Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
