weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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