I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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