we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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