I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
