are you still at the devil's house?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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