just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
