He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
