If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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