So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
