does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize