I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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