i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
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There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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