It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
