A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
