My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
