call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
