hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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