My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
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