i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
