I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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