I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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