i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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