college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
