Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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