Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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