So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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