The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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