hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
