Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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