Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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