dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
