I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
