So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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