Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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