Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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