I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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