I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
