Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
