I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
