I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
