You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
