Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
