i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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