you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
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