you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
