so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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