From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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