dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I think my moral compass just broke
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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