So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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