R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize