Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
