i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Randomize
