tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
