his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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