just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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