Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
