is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
