Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
